Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion

6 Responses to Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion

1. Carmen Matthews "The Serene Samurai" says:

   June 16, 2011 at 1:04 am

   49 of 50 people found the following review helpful:

   Use Their Energy, October 1, 2002

   By Carmen Matthews “The Serene Samurai” (San Diego, California) –
     

   This review is from: Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion (Paperback)

   Like many books, I first came upon this book, because it was referenced in an article. And I have since read this book many times. Just saying verbal judo to others gets a laugh. However, this is a very serious and valuable book. Have you ever walked away from someone, telling yourself, “Next time … I am going to be prepared. Next time, he or she will not get me. I will be ready?” What mastering verbal judo takes is for you to be fully in the moment, conscious of who you are, and not only conscious of what you are experiencing, in the presence of your interlocutor, but also willing to to use your interlocutor’s energy to redirect what they expressed to you from something destructive to something mutually empowering. I have taught myself to smile, on the inside, and to even, ever so slightly nod, when someone has insulted me. This is my anchor, if you will, to breath my way to using their insult to defuse what just happened. Here’s an example, “Calm Down!” My Verbal Judo response: (said in a calm, relaxed demeanor) “I am as calm as I know how to be, right now. And with your help, I can be more calm. Are you ready?” This response is an acknowledgement of your interlocutor, and it is a declaration of your self-respect. This is teaching your interlocutor how to treat you well. Another example is, “You think too much!” My Verbal Judo Response is, “Yes. I do think a great deal. And I thank you for your disguise compliment, because thinking for myself is so important to me.” My response told this person that I value who I am, and that I appreciate his or her awareness of what matters to me. Over the years, because I use life as a human lab, I have created several real life examples of how to respond, instead of reacting to manipulative people, or as Scott Peck would call, “evil people.” An additional tool in my being able to do this was when I read John Bradshaw’s, “Healing the Shame That Binds You.” I learned what stops a person from being able to master verbal judo, in the present moment, really is fear (false, education, appearing real). And when you realize that your conscious mind is telling your subconscious mind what to do, you are free to tell your conscious mind that although you have just been attacked, this is your opportunity to teach this person to take their self-hate somewhere else. Read this book as a tool to get more out of your life. The authors are humorous, wise and compassionate. And the book is so easy to follow that you will be compelled to master the lessons.

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2. Jay R. Chase says:

   June 16, 2011 at 1:36 am

   36 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

   Formulaic and oversimplified, but… it works!!, January 10, 2005

   By Jay R. Chase (Houston, Texas) –
     

     

   This review is from: Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion (Paperback)

   I first read this book about ten years ago. I then took a course by the same title at the police academy. Essentially, Dr. Thompson tries to take a few simple concepts and by simplifying them further, give police officers a way to de-escalate conflict. My first thought as a negotiator was that these concepts had been dumbed down too much, but I decided to give it a chance in the real world. For the most part, it works. Every time I used his techniques on a police scene, the situation was settled without force. I believe that this book is a good starting point into the arena of active listening. The area that should be expanded on is the response… i.e. situational response based on more factors than a book can cover (personal experience, perception, urgency, etc…) vs. the patterned responses suggested in the book. I recommend the book, but I would consider twice before taking the expensive follow-up seminars (unless of course – your department is paying for them )

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3. Robert D. Steele says:

   June 16, 2011 at 2:14 am

   14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

   Distillation of Course Worth Thousands, a Real Gem, April 29, 2004

   By Robert D. Steele (Oakton, VA United States) –
     

   This review is from: Soft Selling in a Hard World: Plain Talk on the Art of Persuasion (Paperback)

   I just took the executive sales training course that this book summarizes, essentially a “CEO to CEO” sales course but applicable at any level of direct sales, and I cannot say enough good things about the author, the book, or the training–my last twenty years literally passed before my eyes as I understood his key points: purchase decisions are made by individuals on an emotional “what’s in it for me” basis, and then justified on a rational “what’s in it for the organization” basis. Any sales effort that attempts to stress features and capabilities, as 99% of all of us have been doing, is destined to be lethargic and hit or miss.The author and his team have a formula and it is a formula that is already working for me: listen instead of talk, solve instead of sell, and a few others that are only offered in the course not the book.The author is devastating in critiquing what he calls “puffery”, all those now meaningless phrases about “best in class” and so on.Finally, the author is extremely effective in helping truly good executive sales people do a cost analysis that at its most brutal, makes it clear to the client that what they are buying or not buying now is costing them a great deal more than what you are offering as a solution to *their* problem, which in turn justifies your getting top dollar because the return on investment in your more expensive capability, with no hidden costs, is greater than the return on the cheaper or partial solutions.I strongly recommend the book for a taste of how to do soft selling in a client-friendly manner, and I strongly recommend the three-day course which is where they walk you through the entire process of creating mission statements, benefits to the client, listening probes, and closing statements that pull it all together.It will take more than one course to overcome 20 years of coming at it the wrong way, but if you are seriously interested in dramatically changing your tone, your approach, and your relationship with your best clients, start with this book and then go on to one of the courses.This was, incidentally, as an executive, my first formal training since 1986–20 years ago, and as I finished it up, I could only wish someone had shown me this path ten years ago or before.

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4. Rick Zaniboni says:

   June 16, 2011 at 2:25 am

   10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

   Finally an ethical book on the art of persuasion, February 15, 2004

   By Rick Zaniboni (newburyport, ma United States) –

   This review is from: Soft Selling in a Hard World: Plain Talk on the Art of Persuasion (Paperback)

   As a professional salesman of 15 years I’m constantly searching for information to help me get an edge. The older I get the more I’ve realized that an “edge” in the sales world is simply building a firm understanding of and consistently applying the basics to the art of sales.”Soft Welling in a Hard World” by Jerry Vass is a quick-read but filled with powerful, ethical and usable tactics designed to help you understand your buyers while gaining significant credibility in their eyes.If you’re like me you have a handful of dog-eared, highlighted gems that you keep on your night stand. Mr. Vass has earned a spot in the company of Frank Bettger, Dale Carnegie, Norman Vincent Peale and Napolian Hill.Rick ZaniboniRE/MAX on the RiverNewburyport, MA 01950

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5. Vance Jochim "vjochim" says:

   June 16, 2011 at 3:04 am

   7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

   Great, specific examples and methodology, August 14, 2002

   By Vance Jochim “vjochim” (Mount Dora, FL USA) –
     

   This review is from: Soft Selling in a Hard World: Plain Talk on the Art of Persuasion (Paperback)

   I keep this book by the couch and periodically read a section (again) from it… it is like watching a John Wayne movie – you feel comfortable seeing it again. As a former accountant and software guy, this book helps bring together the separate tasks you need to follow as a methodology to complete a sale. I recommend it.

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6. Ronald Brown says:

   October 26, 2011 at 2:44 pm

   Thanks again for the blog.Really looking forward to read more. Really Great.